The silence of the geese

When I go out for my Thursday morning run I always have to pass this big cage with two geese. The cage is huge, and has two big wheels, so the owner can easily move the geese around. Unfortunately on Thursday mornings they are standing beside the bike path, and I don't think they like me.

Every Thursday as I'm nearing the cage I feel this prickling of anxiety about what they're gonna do this time. Because as I run by, they always open their beaks and hiss violently at me. And did you know geese have really long tongues? I do! Because their beaks open so wide hissing at me, I can actually see their tonsils. They really freak me out.

Don't they know I'm just an innocent runner, running about my own business? What's with the vicious hissing? Do they perhaps recognize me, from another lifetime? A lifetime that has me featured with a big chopping knife killing geese left and right?

But this Thursday something odd happened: they didn't hiss at me. All that greeted me was the silence of the geese.

Maybe they've gotten to know me, and decided I'm not that bad. After all, all I do is run past them. So even though the saying goes 'familiarity breeds contempt', it can also breed silence.

In a way the geese symbolize my attitude to running. I used to throw a hissy fit if someone suggested I go out for a run. How sporty did they think I was? If I ever felt like running, I quickly lay down until the urge had passed. Even now, that I've come to love running, when I start out my mind and body hiss violently.

But in the end, they, like the geese, fall silent.

To swim or not to swim, it's not a question really

Since I feel as if I'm living in a tropical rainforest instead of the bad weathered Netherlands, I decided to go for a swim instead of a run. You know, to avoid sweating and all that. So I rummaged through lots of closets and drawers and managed to find my green bathing suit which promised to 'flatter the body'. Well, I suppose it does, as long as you don't look too closely.

The swimming pool was filled with senior citizens and I felt a bit odd, being a junior citizen and all. Anyway, I jumped in the water and started swimming like a madwoman, because I wanted to match the effects of a run.

So I swam and I swam, passing senior citizens left and right, which was quite nice actually, and I was bored out of my skull. No nice views to occupy me, no change of scenery unless you counted the different swimming caps sported by the senior citizens. Only water ahead of me, behind me, and around me.

I told myself to enjoy the moment, to feel the velvety touch of the water, to enjoy the cool freshness of the water, but pretty soon I was bored again.

So I have discovered that I need my distractions while I'm working out. Be it some nice country and western songs or a change of landscape.

But one thing was just as good after my swim as it is after a run: the wonderful feeling of achievement.

Negative splits and motherhood

A negative split means running the second half of the distance of your choice faster than the first half. It's a way to preserve your strength and finish your run without crying and moaning. It's also a way to prevent you from peeling off whilst schouting to other runners 'Eat my dust!', only to end up calling a cab because you couldn't take another step if it killed you. Which it very well might.

As a runner I do negative splits all the time through no fault of my own. Because when I start running, my body gets all huffy and sulky, saying things like: 'Whatcha doing?! I don't wanna!' So I stumble along until, in spite of itself, my body starts to feel more supple and my feet lighter. Without effort I run my second halves much faster than my firsts.

Now I'm wondering: can you do negative splits as a mom too? They are very much recommended when running long distances and marathons, which motherhood is often compared too. So I think the answer is a resounding yes.

In days gone by, when my kids got up around four at night, one unpleasant morning I looked at the time and saw it was only seven in the morning. Already I had crafted the universe with the kids, baked muffins and played monopoly. I didn't have anything left for the rest of the day. An obvious case of a so called positive split, where you just let rip, and hold nothing back. Which as a mom I do not recommend.

So in conclusion: I think negative splits are beneficial as a runner and as a mom!

Finding joy again

I was feeling a bit under the weather, so with great reluctance I skipped my Sunday morning run, filled with trepidation of creating a bad, bad precedent. Obviously I have some trust issues with myself.

Luckily I felt much better on Monday, and when dear hubby came home at night, I seized the moment, and went for a run. And it was remarkably wonderful. My feet felt light as they easily ran along. It made me realize that lately my runs have been hardgoing, my feet heavy and dragging, and instead of joy it was willpower that kept me going.

As I pondered this I realized something else: lately mothering has felt like a bad wrestling match too. Everything has been hard and complicated, nothing light and easy.

But now it seems as if a dark and heavy veil has been lifted: we've found a school for our son Jan, and just one day of rest has done wonders for my tired body.

It's funny how you don't know what you've got until it's gone, but it's even funnier how you don't know what you've lost until you find it again.

Which for me, right now, is joy and happiness.

Therapeutical running

Never have I run as much, or as fast as I have since my son Jan didn't get into the school that seemed to suit him best.

Since then we've been struggling to find a place for him, but there's a lot of waiting and pencil pushing, which makes me want to scream like a, well, like a mom!

So thank God for running, for keeping me sane. For offering me release from the excess of adrenaline coursing through my veins, and the hurt and the worry. I can't imagine what I would have done without that release.

And besides the physical effects of running, there's the whole finding myself in nature thing. As I run past old and gnarled trees, which must have been there for hundreds of years, and probably wíll be there for another hundred years, things with my son don't seem so bad after all.

In the grand scheme of things, what's a little hiccup like struggling to find the right school? I'm sure it'll make a great anecdote when he's all grown-up. 'Yeah, there was quite a fuss about finding me the right school,' he'll say. 'But look at me now!'

So I'll just keep on motherind through, and I'll keep on running.

So I'm not really cheatin', I'm just experimenting

I have always thought of gyms with amused disdain. In fact I still kinda do, but I have to admit, they do offer sóme nice things. Like yoga. And free childcare. For the price of 25 euros a month, I can use all the gym's offerings, like yoga, once a week.

And as it turns out, yoga and running are mutual friends! There's even something called yogarunning. Yoga can help runners to strengthen their muscles, improve their posture and train the body and mind. So I'm not cheating on running or anything. We make quite a happy threesome, running, yoga and me.

As a mom however, I'm not the boss of me. My time is dictated by school and the schedules of my children. So sometimes I can't go to my yoga lesson because something has come up. Luckily the 25 euros I paid give me free acces to all facilities, so I can make it up another time. Which is why I've tried Body Pump which involved lots of screwing on weights and taking them off again, and Callanetics.

Secretely I feel quite promiscuous, constantly taking up with different sports.

But there's only one sport my heart really belong too, and that's running.

Are you a praxis runner or a poiesis runner?

Mindfullness is hot. Living in the moment, being aware of your surroundings are things you can practise by running! The many benefits of running never cease to amaze me.

How can you practise mindfulness by running? First and foremost you have to run for the fun of it, and not just to become faster and win competitions.

Let me explain. The Greek philosopher Aristotle said there were two ways to do things, and no, he didn't mean an easy and a hard way! He meant poiesis and praxis.

Poieis means 'doing something' or 'producing something'. The reason you do something lies outside the activity itself: the goal of making a cake isn't baking, but the cake you'll be able to eat. You do something for a future goal.

Praxis on the other hand just means 'doing'. There is no external goal: the satisfaction lies in the doing.

When people start to run they often do so to lose weight: poiesis. But gradually they start to enjoy the proces of running more and more, and losing weight becomes secondary. They simply run because they enjoy the running. Praxis replaces poiesis. And when that happens you live in the moment!

To me running is mostly praxis: I'll never win anything and I'm not going out of my way to improve my pace. In fact, whenever I start to get ambitious I start to dislike running and it becomes just another chore in an already full day. So I run because I like running (praxis) and because I love the feeling of healthy fatigue afterwards (poiesis). Also the fact that, yes I cán have another chocolate! (poiesis).

Praxis and poiesis also apply to motherhood! Motherhood forces you to be in it for the praxis, because the results of your hard labor take about eighteen years to fully materialize. Much easier to try and enjoy the proces of raising kids then straining for lofty goals, which quite simply can't be enforced.

Are you a praxis runner or more of a poiesis runner?
And as a mom? Are you of the praxis variety or the poiesis kind?